Quote:
Originally Posted by chihirochild
I have fantastic friends. When I can't eat, they feed me ice cream. When I can't get out of bed, they get into bed with me. When I am sad, they hug me or take me out for walks or let me rest my head in their lap while they do work or hang out.
But still I find myself longing for more. To help me go to sleep at night, I make up these fantasies in my head--about my mentors getting sick and me taking care of them, about me crying in session and my T putting her arms around me. I feel a lot of shame about that.
It feels like nothing will never be enough.
Does anyone know why the empty-inside thing happens? Are there people who don't feel like this? If so, how did that come to be?
|
My marriage counselor has talked about this, about having a void inside that no one seems able to fill. He asked me if I felt that way, and I thought for a moment, then said I did. He said it's stuff from the past, like from childhood. And the reason no one now can fill it for you is because it's from back then. MC said that I have to figure out how to fill it myself, like he and my T and husband can help me with it, but it's something I have to do for myself.
I have some pretty strong paternal transference for my marriage counselor (he's aware of it), and I think a part of that is me trying to look for stuff from him that I missed in childhood. I've had similar fantasies of him holding me, like I was a child.
Hope that helps some. Haven't quite figured out how to fill it yet, though I'm working on it.