I'm feeling a little better this evening. It's probably just the adderal giving me a false sense of being ok. My son has really forced me to give him attention tonight by chatting about his day and wanting to play (he's 14). Hopefully things will continue to improve. I just don't get why this happens. I'm fine and then all of a sudden I've crashed again. It just gets old.

I am in therapy. I've been seeing my T for 4 years now. I've been trying to work my way out of it but I always seem to crash. She always gets me to identify the triggers but this time I can't really put my finger on anything in particular. I'm really tired of talking so I don't know how much longer I will go. I wish she and my pdoc could just go away. I like them both, I just don't like having to go to them.

When I started therapy, I started because of ptsd. Bipolar was uncovered in the middle of all of it. It's really hard to manage when the PTSD symptoms are not in control but heck, everything is hard to manage at that time.

SI seems to be my go to. I don't talk about it much anymore. When I talk about it to my closest friend, she calls my T and then I have to go in (money). Not looking for attention and it makes me uncomfortable. People don't really want to hear what you have to say. So I just mostly keep stuff to myself, journal, or come here where there are people who have experienced what I go through.