I've had so many losses and stress since the beginning of the year that I am questioning whether I want to go on with my life. My beloved dog died suddenly about 10 days ago at home. He was my baby, my constant companion and my emotional support for the past 11 years. He helped me through the entire time I cared for my dad until his death last year. I don't think I would have made it if not for him. He was there while I grieved for my father and now I am grieving for him. My dad will be gone one year the end of this month.

I am also in the process of having to find another place to live. Rents are so expensive here and even roommate shares are high and I am on SSDI. I won't be homeless because I always have my sister to fall back on, it's just that I am so sick of all of the stress. I have been looking for 2 months now. I am also having problems with my disability and I may need to get legal representation. Point is, I am just tired of struggling.

I took care of my dad who had dementia for 3 years and it was a very draining exhausting experience for me. This was while I was dealing with painful migraine headaches. I was hospitalized twice for suicidal thoughts. I just wish I could have a small repreive where I am not dealing with constant stress and unhappiness. If not for my sister I would have no reason to be alive.

I'm just so d*** tired of struggling. Can't I have one week when I don't have to deal with depression or pain or migraines or money that I owe someone? I don't see a future for myself, all I see is pain. I am trying to hold on, I have tried so hard. When my dad was alive I used to say that I needed to stay alive for him. Then after he passed away. I said I have to stay alive for the pup. Now I have to stay alive for my sister. But I never stay alive for my own sake.