At the time i feel like I physically can't walk because of a mental disorder i got when I was 14 called conversion disorder.i have a bunch of other symptoms speech and movement are the main ones though.the good news I'm no longer in a wheelchair though sometimes I wish I had it back instead of being dependt on people to walk me around.my family fought a lot and is really dysfunctional which is why it was worse back then and it's also like a trauma thing. There's no cure though except therapy and biofeedback but my understanding is its expensive and apparently were I'm from they don't even offer it. So basically I'm stuck.at hospitals people are so ignorant about this disorder.i went partial hospitalization and I suddenly couldn't get up from the chair I was sitting in.one of the group leaders came to me and when I explained I couldn't he simply said unconvert it.comments like this weren't surprising considering my doctor told me I wasn't trying to kill myself cause pills don't kill you but it still hurt.i do feel unmotivated cause of my condition. My older sister said not a lot of people will hire someone like me and I don't think college is equipped.though to be honest suck at college anyway and have decided I won't go back till I'm healthy and can stay a course.i told my mother I'll be a homebody though I'm not sure whatll happen when parents are gone and can't support me.i get ssdi but I don't know how to really take care of myself I'd be dependent on someone else for things I'm uncomfortable being dependent on them for.its my biggest fear.my parents aren't teaching me how to live cause there so fearful of my safety as I have tried suicide to many times to count.but it something I desperately need or I don't know what type of future I can look forward to.im also a borderline and schizo but now there calling it schizobipolar type.
Sorry for not getting back thought I sent message yesterday.