Thanks to everyone for your caring words! Reading people who doesn't know me, but can empathize by sharing similar experiences, really helps me, and somehow there's someone out there that I can reach out for.
As for a life update: I've started college, had just 4 classes by now. Things went better than expected. I didn't suffer of panic being surrounded by new people, at lectures I was able to focus better than on past years.
Of course the excitement is not the same as on previous years. I even wonder if I should be studying this, do I really like it. If not, what do I actually like.