Hi whisperingskye

You don't feel comfortable with that.......the urges are strong........but you still don't want to make it obvious........
Could it be that it's more about you wanting them to see the pain, the hurt, whatever's behind or leading to the SH than them actually seeing the SH (more clearly?).......and sometimes those kinds of things can be real difficult to express, right?
Even if you can get to the point of actually wanting to talk (more clearly?) about them!
Or maybe..........you know people know.........they're telling you it's OK........you're interpreting it as they don't see it as a real concern.........they're not really caring that much, really trying to help..........they don't seem to care so much about you, so you don't care so much about you (?)......and maybe you're feeling more alone even......all escalating the want/need to SH and the intensity of it??

Maybe I'm wrong on both counts.........but either way..........the fact that you don't deep down want it to escalate..........use it/hold on tight to that, hey?
That can be a strength against............
By now you probably have some strategies you've found as well that can help a little at times.........so use them as much as you can.........I know that at times nothing will have helped but if you can just try to use them as much as you can
And if some of those strategies have passed their "use-by-date"..........then maybe there could be some different ones you can explore??
And........if you can keep reaching out.........keep telling people e.g. on here, about the pain, the hurt, about whatever's behind or leading to the SH.........it can be real hard to go it alone..........and there's definitely a lot of heartfelt support on here

Alison