My goodness, almost everything in this post describes so well how I've felt for a while. It's been somewhat on and off, but I have been getting that feeling of giving up, not finding anyone who will love me the way I need it, feeling stuck, being overwhelmed at work and by all the money spent going to doctors and therapists. When you talk about comfort in depression, one thing I can relate to is that sometimes I'll feel this way when I'm not ready to take any steps towards working through it, so it's a way of self-soothing to stay in the same spot to comfort myself until I'm ready. Continuing therapy regularly can be so important. Even on days I don't feel like going.

(((hugs))) Sometimes just venting is important to just release all of what you are feeling. It's at least one way of coping as an outlet and for support, so please keep posting whenever you feel the need. Every little bit helps, even if it just alleviates some of the pain temporarily. Take it one step at a time and don't be so hard on yourself! I know it's easier said than done, so I don't in any way want to minimize the seriousness of your concerns. You're not alone.