No taking drugs, no SH today. Just feeling down. I accept it is what it is. I feel the pain. My body surges, the rage running through my veins, sadness fills my heart.

I told my h I'm not going out with him tonight to his company's party. Yet another time he's gone stag due to us being so unhappy together. Someone even made a comment that he always goes alone. I don't care anymore.

He gave me a down frown.

I said 'don't act so sad, your actions (inactions) caused it.'

I can, at least, control that I am not self harming and that is a huge improvement and a goal I set for myself.

I can't control how others act towards me. I can only react. Well I'm reacting. I'm sad and angry. I am staying home and wallowing in it.

You can't make someone treat you how you want to be treated. You can only take care of yourself.