Quote:
Originally Posted by growlycat
I understand this cycle. It is much less intense for me than it was years ago.
I was just talking to my t about it today. He said mid week he had an inking to call or email me but he couldn't explain why. He ended up with an emergency with another patient and was distracted. I had the urge to call but resisted
It is true that I had a stressful week but I try to resist the urge to contact him unless I'm really hurting. After years of doing exactly what you describe I think it goes away on its own. I know t is reliable and there if I need him as my other t's have been. So I feel more secure and able to tell myself I'm ok right now.
You could try, when you have the urge for reassurance, to try to wait a few hours before emailing. Then maybe mark the wait in days. But no need to torture yourself. After a lot of back and forth reassurance from your t I really believe it starts to resolve on its own by your therapist just "being there". Your brain will finally "get it " Maybe an early attachment figure was unreliable and this process is rewiring you. Hope this makes sense.
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Thanks, Growly. That's interesting that Kashi had thought about contacting you but didn't know why--maybe you just have that connection? I was recently talking to my T about whether I could stay in touch with her once she retires (she's around that age), and she said sometimes she happens to be thinking about a former client, then the next day will get a letter from him/her. (And she said we could continue to be in touch when she retires, even including, say, a phone call if I'm really struggling or need support/advice.)
I'm pretty sure this goes back to stuff with my parents. And that's why it's coming out so much with MC because of the paternal transference (even though he's only 12 years older than me).
I do sometimes try to wait a certain amount of time before e-mailing or texting--like, "OK, if I haven't heard back by 2 tomorrow, then I'll reach out again" or something like that. Posting on the "Dear T" board helps, too. But then sometimes, it's like, OK, if I'm freaking out, shouldn't I just reach out instead of struggling with it? I'm hoping like you said that with time, it will stop being an issue.
I'm definitely more secure in the attachment than I was, say, a year ago (even if it may not sound like it on here!). I just keep wondering how MC isn't totally annoyed and frustrated by it...but then, I think he knows psychologically what's going on--and also that it's not really about him--and that it will just take time. MC has said that processing/working through transference can be helpful because it takes something from my past and gives it a different ending. And he seems willing to work with it (and H seems willing to let me do that as well).