Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna
Wow. You know, there were times when i did exactly that, just quick little calls or emails or texts, just checking to see if he was there. And i got a FEEEELING from your post here that like finally closed the circuit on WHY or how that was so important.
1, its a clean, direct ask, stripped of any frills. So you can be SURE the question was heard, and you can be sure they are answering the right question.
2. Then its like, okay, all systems go, prepare for liftoff. You can see how if a parent hedged on their answer, it could get a kid stuck in ocd and uncertainty. |
I agree with the being direct with your needs here so that you can hear what you need to hear rather than having it coming through in an ambiguous way. Yes, it is risky but from what I have seen of MC, he will not let you down. And since he doesn't always read his email, you might talk to him about using text in this way as long as you keep it to something like "you there?" ... "just saying hi"... type of thing. It might allow you to feel that no hedging about being there for you feeling.
The other thing I did was put a note on my monitor that told me to "just stop, just stop it!" I made it be goals when I was not stressed as to how long before I emailed T. I agree that there is a fine line between trying to build your tolerance towards the anxiety and suffering. I guess one question is do you really want to stop emailing him, stop this cycle? And other than the reassurance, what are you gaining by emailing him shortly after a session?
I do find the first 24-36 hours are the hardest for me even when not triggered. I miss her so much in those first day or so after a session. If I can make it past 48 hours, I usually do much better with having to wait. Also, I post here and journal. I give the journal to T and in this journal I write about missing her, being scared of pushing her, scared of being terminated, of being too much. We may or may not ever talk about what I wrote, that is up to me... giving it to her, lets her see my struggles and where I am and such, without giving it more attention than it needs. She doesn't reassure me in response to my journal entries or even respond to my journal entries again unless I bring it up.
Granted I see T 2x week, I think in part because of what I was writing in my journal. If I recall, you see MC on Mondays and T on Tuesdays. Could you possibly spread those out more so that maybe it is a Monday and Thursday. It wouldn't be seeing MC 2x week but it might help in spreading it out throughout the week.