It started as 3 months in a full leg cast for me last year. Grandmother almost dying a week before my wedding. Got cast off 3 weeks prior to wedding. Confusing emotions and dislike for stepchild. A suicide attempt. hubby acting shady, not coming home, not answering my calls or text. Then him having a young stalker. Finding out he may have fathered a child at 17. Then major divorce inducing fight where he said things. Unspeakable things that he apologized for and swept under the rug. I have not recovered. We haven't even got to the hell which was Christmas. Then some bloodwork scares recently for him. I'm trying to hold on for dear life. Not even sex is happening. I'm confused about what he wants though he says he wants me for the rest of his life. Our lives together but there are so many mixed messages. Idk. I could just be having BPD moments here. UGH. My head spins and spins. It's stuck in the mud. Why can't I just accept what he says at face value? He tells me he loves me everyday. Shows me most days. The last fight just shook me up so bad I'm confused.