things are a little better tongith. still, the 'in charge' person is not here and music is helping us thru it. i rode my bike to the church last night, at dark, after my husband and i were not able to be on the same level and i needed to cry....
i sat down in front of the doors and just prayer for a higher power to take me. the pain seemed to much, even this morning, the lack of sleep, the heavy heart.

right now, i feel better for some reason and i don't know why. it was weird, today i was bringing in the empty trash and recycyle, and there was this faded flyer stuck in the tree and i opened it and it was an Al Non phamplet....which caused so much of the PTSD/dissociation, the parents' horrible alcoholism.....

it was a breath of universal support. I may feel alone but maybe i'm not. there's alot of stress.....tomm. i got to psychistrist but she does not know the extend of the DID...to ashamed to go into detials. my therapist has disappointed me....i've come to the conclusion......transference, my twisted distortions, whatever,,,,,i felt hurt.

i 'm just hoping the person isn charge comes back soon. today felt horrible but tonight is better. i really appreciate the feedback from the last time. Thanks so much for listening.......Peace,,,,,,Holden