Hi all, things have been going really well with the exception of these awful 2x/month rage attacks. They always happen around the "time of month" for me (sorry guys) but it makes it almost inevitable. I am seeing a DBT specialist/new therapist who is awesome.. if i would actually do the work.

Speaking of work, i am in tax season now, and officially 1 year at my new job. Im working 5 days / week, and also at home for my dad. The work is stressful, but also a good/needed distraction from what goes on in my head. However, long hours and big commitments, needy clients and lots of responsibility makes for a few breakdowns a month also. working on all of this..
And on top- i am getting married in under 3 months! sheesh. Talk about triggers, and stress.

This week (pat on the back) i did take a much needed day off "mental health day" as my Pdoc said i needed. As i had been having major insomnia trying a new drug (thanks, Abilify, never again)

I had a bad fight w/ my fiancee last night, we have about 2/month. It always starts w/ me being in my PMS stage, having a trigger thought, and then BOOM i either cry on the spot, or walk away freaking out inside and feel i can not escape from my thoughts, it scares me!!

My goal w/ my therapist was to walk away, write down the thought, and share w/ her late,r, and/or my fiance at a better time... so much easier said then done.

To make matters even weirder/worse, for 2 weeks on was o an Abilify experiment (only 2mg,) i had complete insomnia and was a totally overkill workerbee, acting all kinds of strange. I am off of that now, it was not for me (i miss it, my P-doc said i sounded Manic-y).

So, it looks like my "down" was last night. I always tend to have these "high highs" then a awful crash, which includes a major rage attack. I think the only positive was last night i didnt really throw anything, which for me is pretty big.

What the hell...

Does anyone have ANY suggestions for me dealing w/ this hormonally triggered rage and panic .... just when i am doing well, i feel well (although in the day- i said to him how great it is we have been doing well, talk about jinx-ing)

Thank you for any input. I dont want to kill my relationship. He promises me he is in ti for the long-run (obviously he must mean it as he is still here, and even marrying this psycho). But i want to foster a healthy, loving realtionship.

99% of the time i am the most peaceful happy person. I hate violence, and when others are upset. I am very sensetive person, compassionate and feel this "disorder" bi-polar 2 or whatever label you give it, personally i think "psychosis" was basically where I was last night, how do i get it to leave me alone ?