Hi Dance...welcome to PC!

Mental illness is more like a blurry rainbow where symptoms overlap and sometimes mistaken for other diagnosis which is why it's much more a trial and error thingy under pdoc care...even for them it!s a hit or miss...

Diagnosis can be in multiple in which an individual can have more then one condition n concurrent or co-morbid.

You described anything from ptsd, dissociative disorder, borderline personality disorder, personality types (sociopath, psychpath, avoidant, etc...many more)....plus, there are medical reasons, too....so a MD, Pdoc, and therapist are your best mental health care team.

If you in anyway feel like you are a danger to yourself...get to an ER immediately for a psych eval...it might be the condition that is affected your rationale.

Good luck sweety!