Hey. So I was just thinking about how I tend to always have these grand ideas of what **** is going to be like, and it almost never lives up to the picture that I have in my head.

It's like that free ice cream with your meal that you get as a kid. I invision a banana split with hot fudge and sprinkles and the waitress brings me out a freezer burned ice pop. Yeah. Let down.

Or holidays like Xmas. I alway get excited leading up to it, imagining the lights and the tree and the music and great food and smiling faces opening packages and reminiscing about the past. But usually it ends up with lots of people stressed out, crowded parking lots, burned cookies, crappy gifts, and lots of family arguing with each othe

I suppose this happens to everyone? I think it's probably just the fact that every time it doesn't pan out like I anticipated it to, I am actually SURPRISED. Which leads to Disappointment, feeling let down, another anticlimactic event. Just pondering this because I have once again experienced the reality and it did not come anywhere close to matching up with the expectation. There is a great scene in "500 days of summer" about expectation vs reality that i can relate to. That and when the main character starts singing that smiths song "please Please please let me get what i wants this time... great scenes. Anyway, I digress.

I wonder if maybe sometimes I enjoy the anticipation leading up to a future event more than the actual event. People say to just lower your expectations and you won't get disappointed. I don't know how to do that, and I'm not sure that I want to live like that. I don't know if would still be alive if I didn't keep hoping and expecting that things will end up actually being as f$ckng awesome as I imagine one of these days.

Maybe I would rather expect the best and get let down every time than expect nothing. Which is stupid. I am an idiot. I don't know what my problem is. But I always have these ridiculously high expectations of myself and other people and of life and situations. And maybe that's why I am never satisfied with things as they are. I always want more, better, different.