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Originally Posted by Zedsdead
Im sorry you went through that in your childhood and sad to hear that it still effects your life today.
It's strange things that seem to have a lasting effect on us from growing up. I was the oldest of 4 and the scapegoat. I had a different father and I think i was just the odd one out.
For me, they would treat me badly in ways that I didn't understand. Like if i was hungry, i was greedy and fat, if something was broken, it was my fault. My sisters could torment me all day but if i reacted I was grounded. If i wanted something, it would be ignored so I would have to ask my sisters to ask for me and pretend it was for them. If i dared confront the unfair behaviour I was a drama queen, a liar and overreacting.
I guess the residual effects would be that i dont know my self worth. I feel below everybody all the time. At home, at work, in public. I don't dare ask for simple things or dare to stand up for myself. I was taught that i didnt matter.
I found myself in another abusive relationship and iv never dared question it, because I thought maybe I was overreacting and being a drama queen. Probably because that's what I was called all those years. It was my therapist that validated my feelings and fears.
Are you in therapy? It could help. Hugs
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Yeah. I'm in therapy. It's a slow climb, isn't it? I have similar feelings around others as well.
Did you develop an eating disorder from being in that enviornment? I struggled with eating disorders most of my life.