I've always known what I know about my childhood trauma, and I thought I had it under control for all these years. When my daughter's mental health struggles started, for some reason, I could no longer control it, I suspect that it was just too much to deal with in addition to my worries and struggles with my daughter. Since then, after doing a lot of research, I've realized that a lot of the core symptoms of CPTSD have always been there and have always run my life (hyper-vigilance, trust issues, self-isolation, dissociation etc.), I really just accepted those symptoms of being "me". It would be great if I could process all of this and heal, but at this point, I would welcome going back to my old, dysfunctional "normal me".