Thank you all so much. I have been avoiding crying by pushing away or diverting the thoughts and memories but, with so much love and compassion from you guys it feels good to cry again.

She was 18. It was very difficult and so sudden. One day you’re taking them in for a checkup and the next thing you know you’re bringing them in for euthanasia. A lot of listening, trying to remember, thinking, & discussing.

The gist: a mass of unknown origin was obstructing her intestines and had caused a section to dilate. She was probably very uncomfortable or in pain. To have surgery would have topped out at $4k+ and there is no guarantee she would have made it through or for how long at her age. And I can't really afford it. And some other things like she was also in the beginning phase of kidney disease, that seem much simpler now than they did the day before yesterday. You know vets, they have to give you all the options but, they won't tell you what to do. So I cried my way through to a decision. With help from my brothers. It was heart-wrenching (I checked the hyphen in 'heart-wrenching' & discovered I combined 'heartrending' and 'gut-wrenching.' Either one works, it was one or the other and both at times.)

So for the first time in 18 years I went to bed truly alone, and woke-up the same. Sometimes, I think I see her out of the corner of my eye.

That night, one of my brothers noticed it was 3 years to the day of our mom’s death.

Again, thank all of you for the kind and loving responses. It really means a lot to me and makes a huge difference.

Yours_Truly