Hello cnlsaf: Thanks for sharing your difficulties. I don't know if you're seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist. But... in order to really figure out what this is all about seeing a mental health professional is the way to go. Delving into all of this, over time, with a mental health therapist would help you to come to an understanding of what is going on with you & what you can do about it.

My personal opinion is there's no way anyone here on PC can give you any kind of accurate assessment of your mental health status from reading the little bit you wrote here. Oh... & by the way... I keep all of my doors locked too, & also check them periodically. Perhaps I'm paranoid. I don't know. But I just consider it to be prudent in this day & age.

Are you familiar with Kati Morton's YouTube videos? Kati is a licensed mental health therapist who uploads videos on mental health topics. If you're not familiar with her videos, taking a look might be of some interest to you:

https://www.youtube.com/user/KatiMorton

And also, please keep posting here on PC. It can help too...