I walked into t's room today and gave her 5 of my poems to read. She likes to read them to see how I'm doing. As she was reading them she was talking to me about them and she put them together just like a jigsaw! I told her I had been having bad thoughts again, cried a lot and she said the first poem was about the adult me eing positive, knowing therapy is going to take a while, the second was the adult me feeling guilty about my family and not being a proper mum, wife etc, the third a mother who was struggling to cope and also struggling with my inner child....the next 2 lew my mind because I honestly didn't see it....they were by my inner self/teen/child, they were the ones hurting, this is why I have done a lot of crying just lately, she is really pleased with my progress and says how I am feeling is normal, I seem to be acting out some of my behaviour as a teen right now. (I took 2 overdoses and cut my wrists)
I felt like taking pills last night but never obviously, just distressed and confused about everything.
Anyway, the main thing is I fel relieved that all this behaviour is normal. As I was leaving she gave me a lovely little book with Footprints in it and other inspiring little quotes and that set me off again I was so touched.......

I feel better than I have for a week or so and although it was a tough session I feel relieved. Sorry to go on, you know me I have to talk about everything, sorry.....

She also thinks, when I am ready I have to call mum and ask her some questions I need answering, that will be tough....but I have to wait until I can do it in an adult way or she will manipulate me again.

Thanks again to everyone who supported me in chat last night. I really appreciated it...

Jin xxxx