It's finally sinking in to me. I'm not in control as much I want to claim I is and the original. Even though I'm co-con to a point...the Others have their own mind as much as I believed that they were just an embodiment of my fantasies and coping skills.

I'm dictating now because I don't get body control. I can connect with who is present...but I can't know them. It's like there is a wall with everyone...just communication. Like I've said in an earlier post...I just watch...that's me which is truly horrifying to now realize that you are just some part in the scheme of things....not the victim himself...literally.

An observer. It hasn't dawned on me why I can't "control"...to be an insignificant part....

I'm now truly upset to finally realize that I'm just a cog and not first gear. Yes, I'm very intellectual....but I can also see when I'm just the passenger, too.

Thanks for letting me share this....it's so humbling to finally realize that you are not who you thought you were. Thanks.