My company had layoffs last week. About a dozen people I know were let go including my boss. ~120 overall.

I'm finding it even more difficult to care about anything now. I had been putting in a lot of long hours on a big project, but now I just don't really have much respect for my company or the management. I find it difficult to focus on work when all I can think about is "when will it happen to me" but also "why didn't it happen to me instead?"

Those of us who survived now have more work to do, because the positions are gone. We've all been killing ourselves already.

And I really like my boss, but now she's gone. She's the worst part in all of this. She made it possible to go to work when things were just not going well. I sent her an email but now am feeling bad that I couldn't do more for her. I hope she'll find something she likes better but I'm sad at the prospect of never seeing or hearing from her again.

So now I have to find a way (and time) to refresh my skills a bit in preparation for what will likely happen again.

I wish I could go back in time 2 weeks, when everything made a little more sense.