It's really difficult for me to explain. I mean, I've done things to protect people I care about, kept secrets, did stupid crap etc.. I've done nothing when I probably should've and probably would if I could go back.

I'm just overwhelmed with guilt for both. More than that I'm just lost in confusion.

To add to it, I'm starting to believe that I have to protect everyone from me. I don't think I'm good -- maybe even safe -- for the people I love. What I want to do and I think I need to do are two different things. I'm just wondering which one will hurt them more. Quite honestly, I think a lot of my turmoil right now is strictly inside my head. Trapped in there and tormenting me. It's starting to leak outside, though. I don't know how to keep them separate anymore.