I'm actually not right now. I'm waiting until I pay out my first $3500 in med expenses for my daughter so that my insurance will cover 80% of the cost. I have a High Deductible Health Care Plan so the first $3500 is all out of pocket. I think were close, once all her providers submit their claims. The LCSW that she's see's weekly hasn't hit the insurance yet so I'm expecting that to be over $800 right now, once the bill comes and I'm waiting for the billing for bloodwork to come in too. Between those and $355 per month for meds, it shouldn't take long.

I did surprise me when I lost control of the ability to control them, and was even more surprised when I realized that I really didn't have as good control over them as I thought I did. Basically, CPTSD has molded me into the person I am. I'm a mystery. I've been doing a lot of research, and I recently bought the book, "Complex-PTSD Workbook" and am working through that right now. I realized that I actually did "exposure therapy" on myself without realizing what I was doing back in December. I had gotten to the point where I was unable to concentrate on anything, constantly stressed and anxious, and I couldn't get the memories out of my mind, almost like a constant EF. So instead of fighting it, I just let the memories hit me. I started calling my morning walk, my anxiety walk and after a few weeks, it just started subsiding. Of course then comes the, "Oh, it wasn't so bad" thoughts and the minimizing.

So now, I have my almost ok days, my bad days and my really bad days, but it's not constant. I tend to fluctuate between stressed out and anxious to depressed. It's a beast isn't it? And yes very tiring. It's great to discuss it with people who can relate to what you are going through.