1) for those of you whose therapist has explained their dissociation through the 'structural dissociation of the personality" theory (ANP/EP) - how was this explained to you and have you told anyone else in your family/friends about it? If you have, how have you explained it? I want to explain why I can seem happy and competent to someone I'm close to but simultaneously I'm neither of those and that's why I may react with depression, self harm (potentially won't mention this) and being more emotionally reactive to minor events/interactions that shouldn't normally be the case for most people. How do you explain a fear isn't just a phobia that you can counteract logically but actually more of a flashback, without using that word? I don't feel I have any significant trauma issues, more grief, and again I don't believe I should have these types of reactions due to that so I'm reluctant to say "i have little to traumas/grief" out loud.

>> My therapists and I have talked a bit about the studies done on how DID is formed and what it is but most of that isn't too relevant to therapy, unless you really feel the need to totally understand it on an academic level to get better.

I recently decided to share the diagnoses with my family because the explanations I gave in the past about why I'm the way I am just wasn't enough anymore. One of my therapist basically helped me through the whole process and did most of the explaining and made sure my family was supportive and connected in the right way. It was definitely one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. I've spent my whole life trying to hide it from everyone, especially myself so sharing with my family, the people I've had to hide it from the most, was hard. It still feels surreal to me.

I definitely relate to not reacting to things "normally" on an emotional level. There have been times I've gotten totally triggered and snapped at things that just shouldn't have bothered me. Usually the word I use is triggered because it might not necessarily be a flashback and the event that leads to me snapping is the trigger....

2) do people generally with dissociation find mindfulness or meditation quite uncomfortable to think about, let alone do? I keep reading everywhere how calming it is and positive effect but when I've tried in the past it makes me freak out. I'm unsure why, it is just the case. I'd be interested to hear other people's experiences.

>>Before I was properly diagnosed I was sent to a support group that did mindfulness as part of the program and I found it the opposite of harmful. Once I was properly diagnosed and got therapists who specialized in trauma/DID they told me that mindfulness can often be the wrong thing for people with dissociative disorders because most forms of mindfulness is supposed to take you far enough from your emotions to be able to observe how you are in the moment, but if you're dissociative you probably spend too much time "observing" already. Plus mindfulness is a kind of self hypnosis and being dissociative often means you're in that kind of state often enough.

There's definitely parts of mindfulness that can be useful and can help with grounding, but overall mindfulness can definitely be something that's uncomfortable if you're dealing with a dissociative disorder.