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Originally Posted by reb569
I'm actually not right now. I'm waiting until I pay out my first $3500 in med expenses for my daughter so that my insurance will cover 80% of the cost. I have a High Deductible Health Care Plan so the first $3500 is all out of pocket. I think were close, once all her providers submit their claims. The LCSW that she's see's weekly hasn't hit the insurance yet so I'm expecting that to be over $800 right now, once the bill comes and I'm waiting for the billing for bloodwork to come in too. Between those and $355 per month for meds, it shouldn't take long.
I did surprise me when I lost control of the ability to control them, and was even more surprised when I realized that I really didn't have as good control over them as I thought I did. Basically, CPTSD has molded me into the person I am. I'm a mystery. I've been doing a lot of research, and I recently bought the book, "Complex-PTSD Workbook" and am working through that right now. I realized that I actually did "exposure therapy" on myself without realizing what I was doing back in December. I had gotten to the point where I was unable to concentrate on anything, constantly stressed and anxious, and I couldn't get the memories out of my mind, almost like a constant EF. So instead of fighting it, I just let the memories hit me. I started calling my morning walk, my anxiety walk and after a few weeks, it just started subsiding. Of course then comes the, "Oh, it wasn't so bad" thoughts and the minimizing.
So now, I have my almost ok days, my bad days and my really bad days, but it's not constant. I tend to fluctuate between stressed out and anxious to depressed. It's a beast isn't it? And yes very tiring. It's great to discuss it with people who can relate to what you are going through.
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Wow, that's some high expenses. It's depressing how much things cost, especially medical insurance then they have the nerve to deny something. Oh don't get me started on those legal crooks.
I ordered the CPTSD workbook that just came out, I think in January. I haven't gotten that far into it but from what I've seen it is much better than the PTSD workbook, that was a real snooze fest. When working with a therapist it's too much to try to absorb outside information, I can barely pay attention in session. The good thing about the PE therapy is that it is recorded by me and that way when I zone out, I can still have the information available.
One of the segments on Kati Morton and Dr.Alexa Altman , on trauma, they talk about being in this zone, about above or below this zone. You might want to look at those videos. They were pretty interesting. They did several on trauma therapy. Or did you already watch one? Someone did.
Yes, it is good to have people around that understand what you are dealing with and it is a beast. What surprises me is finding out how long ago this started, and that I lived life okay until recently. Sometimes I wonder if knowing really helps a person.