Quote:
Originally Posted by TrailRunner14
I'm supposedly an answer to a pray of a mother who was not supposed to be able to have a child. Well. Here I am 50+ years and wondering why.
I'm so very tired of thinking about the "why" and working through the fragments of the result.
There truly must be a purpose of me being here and what I've experienced, and am still experiencing because of of my conditioned past.
I don't know.
I really have never felt like I have ever belonged here. I'm a passenger. Maybe a wanderer sounds and feels better.
I so long to feel safety.
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I know the feeling, sentiment, and thought. In God's scheme of things...I don't get the joke. Why am I even here? Was suppose to be ran over by a loaded cement truck that ran a red light. I was making a left and over clutch and stalled the motor. I never stall a motor. If I would've gone...Tboned and killed for sure. I wonder of that often...like a Final Destination the movie kind of thing.
I feel useless and somewhat un productive even though we try as a group. We manage to keep a job because our workers are good working drones.
It's what we developed to stay alive. There must be a reason and a lesson to be learned. Until then...just keep on drifting like I always have been.
I hope that you and your Others find some peace in all of this.
