OMG even though I now realize his manipulations I still doubt myself! How did I get here? It is like I can see when others are being taken advantage of and belittled but am blind when it is happening to me. I have just allowed myself to be fed %#@&#!, accepted it, and in some sick way even thought that I deserved it. Even now I think of myself as an awful person because I want close friends, to advance my career, and tell him to keep his hands off me after I hear his %#@&#! day in and day out. I’m questioning if he is deliberately taking advantage of me or if I am overreacting. I feel like crap, why was I susceptible? Why am I still here? Anger, guilt, disgust, what the heck is wrong with me?

I know I need to turn this around. I'm sure I'll land on my feet, I always have. I’m just venting here because I have no where else to vent. Sorry