As a child I was sexually abused and as a result I’ve spent years avoiding all physical contact with people, if someone would accidentally brush up against me I would feel nauseous and panicky. I started counseling a little over a year ago and have recently started to crave (non-sexual) physical contact, especially from my therapist.

I actually asked him for a hug at the end of one of our sessions, and he agreed. It felt very warm and safe & secure, and he would give me a hug at the end of our sessions for several months. However, after a meeting with his co-workers, he “realized” (AKA was told by the owner) that they had to stop, he stated that there was some fear that it would become detrimental to therapy, which is ironic because it was in fact the decision to stop said hugs that caused the problems, as far as I am concerned.

Anyway, I’ve recently started to have some medical issues which prompted my regular doctor, to recommend me seeing an OB / Gyn, who ordered a pelvic ultrasound, which I had done this morning.

It effected me more than I imagined it would. And much to my horror the movement of the probe caused a sense of physical arousal, which of course triggered flashbacks to the past.

At this point I’m so overwhelmed by emotions that I feel numb. (Anyone, ever have that experience?) I’m afraid that once my brain is ready to process these emotions they’ll all come flooding back in at once and I won’t be able to handle them. Any suggestions?