Wow,I'm sorry you're struggling so much.Can anyone inside help you out?Can they do the communicating for you?Can they step in and take over so you can have time to rest or something?Can one of them talk to your therapist on your behalf or email him/her or text,call or something?One time when I was feeling suicidal my T told me I could always just go back inside.It made me mad,made me feel like he wanted to get rid of me but it was the best thing to do for awhile.Can you do that? Your others were created to help you so surely there's some way they can help now?I'm really surprised they haven't already with you under so much stress.

Maybe even a visit to the hospital might be needed?You really have to find some way to reach out,to say you need help.You say things so well here,just copy and paste your post into an email and send it to your T or send a letter,text,call or something. Please do something to help yourself,don't let it get worse.You don't have to feel this way.