Hi MoonSky,

Sorry you're feeling this way. These are the same feelings my boyfriend (or maybe not anymore, idk) would say or post about before he disappeared -- either he's angry or he lacks motivation or that nothing excites him and I don't know how to help because he does not want to discuss it . I myself have been depressed in the past -- didn't want to talk to anyone, didn't want to get up in the morning and took sleeping pills to go back to sleep. Journal'ing doesn't work for me although every person have their own ways of coping. I get motivated when I see I'm able to accomplish things (even small things like clearing the sink at that time), then I would feel better -- I feel more depressed when my surroundings are cluttered. This is VERY difficult when you don't even have the energy to get up but since I live on my own, I force myself to do it.. little by little, cuz no one will help me do it. I suggest that you be kind to yourself and understand that it is not easy to do that, to say the least. Do things little by little and pace yourself.. you have time. You are very young. If I were you, I would do things slowly but surely rather than set myself up for failure. So if you think that you can't even get yourself out of bed or can't get yourself interested in going to class, then just take one class - don't go full load. If you feel you have more energy the next semester, then take more. If it would help to be selfish and spoil yourself, then do that. What I mean is, do things that will make you happy and don't think about the future. The more you think about the future, the more you think about the responsibilities you will have to get to that place, and that will put emotional/mental burden on you. Forget about the future, just worry about what's current. For example, people keep telling me to save money for the future, and some of my hobbies are a little expensive - but I still do them because these are things that are keeping me happy and keeping me distracted from all the crappy stuff going on that can potentially bring me back to depression. A lot of times when I am struggling with work and school, I have to turn down dinner invitations from friends even if I haven't seen them for a long time because of my busy schedule. I have to destress by doing stuff I enjoy doing -- on my own, where I don't have to think about anyone else. It's selfish but you gotta take care of yourself first and lift yourself back up before you can go back to dealing with life's responsibilities.

One thing that helped me tremendously to be honest is changing my diet and being active. I used to eat a lot of sugar (ice cream for lunch/dinner) and I had terrible anxiety along with depression. After I stopped having sugar as a staple for my meals, I felt so much better (actually it's sugar, chocolate and coffee but hey you may be different and your body may have strong constitution but still wouldn't hurt to try). If you have a sweetooth then I understand it's counterintuitive.. but I must say that pretty much every time I feel anxious or depressed I can tell that it's because I've been eating crappy. Good luck with class and hugs!