I happened upon some old posts that I wrote around Christmas and was sickened by the lack of empathy in my words.

It was like I was fighting against my own mi instead of accepting it-I wasn't owning it. And therefore wouldn't let you own it either.

I had relapsed on alcohol, was in a 6 week long depression-which is unusual for me a as a rapid cycler, got in a terrible row with bf, he hit me so hard I rolled 4 feet across the floor, I pulled a loaded gun on him, then he passed out and I felt so ignored I cut my wrist to pieces to 'show him. When he woke up I had called a friend for help and she called him a taxi and took me to ip.

Im now 30 days sober. Im on new meds. I need you all in my life. I need a hug right now. I hope I haven't permanently offended anyone on here. I hope you forgive me. I was not well. I'm blaming it on my llness bc that is what happened, and yes I drank bc of my depression, anxiety and med change all at xmas and family stress, that is what happened.

But I'm still upset and I wish I could change it. I wasn't myself. Just know...that wasn't me for the last while