So, you want relief of your pain and sadness. You know, death isn't the only way. Granted, it's fast and it's permanent, but it's so final. Maybe, just maybe there's another way, a way that's harder and forces you to endure a bit longer, but another way so that you don't have to take your life away from this world.

I'm sorry for the pain you're in to make you feel this way and I wish there was something I could do that was more than just writing words on a forum that you've likely heard before.