McKell, this is a book I found useful in understanding my relationship:
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: how to recognize it and how to respond by Patricia Evans.
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Are you now, or have you ever been, in relationships with family, friends, or mates who have been verbally abusive? Is your happiness with someone you love continually threatened by interactions that continually undermine your self-esteem? Do you feel trapped in a relationship that keeps decaying in a downward spiral of overt or passive-aggressive abuse?

If so, this book could be your life raft, either carrying you toward repair of the existing relationship or the effects of past relationships or offering liberation from your current confusion. Its practical approach can help clear your head and possibly change your life.

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I learned a lot from this book. It was like reading the story of my 20 year marriage. Maybe you might find some insights there too.