Julie, as I read your post it really struck a nerve with me. Becasue, I realize now that I was verbally and emotionally abused in my marriage for years by my ex wife. I would try so hard to please her, at first because I loved her, but later out of fear. I wanted to please her because if I didn't she would flip out on me. When we were first married we both worked at a large university. We only had one car back then and I can remember a knot in my stomach if my job held me up even for 10-15 minutes causing me to be late to pick her up. Or, later sitting in a meeting at work not focusing on the task at hand because I would be worried that she would be angry with me because I was late. As time progressed I realized that nothing I ever did was good enough for her. I worked hard and contributed a great deal around the house, but it was never enough. She never had to do laundry for years, because that was my job and I rahter enjoyed doing it and loved the fact that I really thought I was an equal contributor to the house chores. I knew for a fact that I did more around the house than any of my male peers. But, it was never enough. Even though I did my tasks without complaining she would always complain about getting groceries or fixing dinner. Over time I was robbed of my self esteem and my self worth. There is only so much "beating down" one can take. As the relationship started unraveling the verbal abuse escalated. She would start to threaten that she was going to kill herself. Or, if we had a fight she would threaten that she was leaving for her parents. She never did,, but just the threat of it was enough to get the reaction she wanted out of me. She would attack me. She knew just the right things to say to make me feel my worst. She would compare me to my father. My Dad left my house when I was 15 and never really was the greatest Dad after that. And, she knew how much I loved being a Dad and knew that was the most hurtful thing she could possibly say to me. She would flip out if things didn't go her way. I will never forget the Christmas that we couldn't go to her parent's house because of a snow storm. She ranted and raved, and cried hysterically. All this time with our kids in the back seat. It was rediculous as we went back home and we had a good day. But, we always ahd to go through the emotional upheaval for nothing. This would happen time and time again, emotional outbursts over lifes little curve balls. This on top of the belittling and threats. It was too much to take. So I left. Devastated without my kids I made such a series of poor decisions and poor judgements that the depression that started when I was with her was full blown. I tried to break the cycle but I have been on a path of self destruction ever since. I thought I was on my way to breaking out of it having met a wonderful woman. But, my depression eroded her trust and she thought the worst of me, so I am back to square one.

The bottom line is that kind of verbal and emotional abuse is the most devastating, pwerful force that you can imagine. And, it takes so much from you. I am sorry you had to deal with that. No one should.