I am trying to get back to myself. I used to be productive, had a responsible job for 22 years along with several responsible part time jobs over that same period. I didn't know I had parts. I new I had a conversation of thought in my head that was sometimes exhausting. I also did things that I/me wouldn't think I would have done. That realization started me looking to a possible mental issue. I could see myself doing things I shouldn't do, I was compulsive about somethings, I would sometimes see flat people. This happened for decades. Everything started to seep out when I was in my late 40's, Panic attacks, memory loss, time loss, changes in my presentation depending on the situation. But changes were sometimes child like, hostile, foggy, confused. Equally I would at some point end up back to my self. Usually due to demands of my job. Right now I can't hold on to that person. When I am arguing about a bill or having to navigate the DMV I feel normal, like the person I have been most of my life. When I have nothing specific required of me I am meek, fearful, confused, bad driver, I don't want to hurt my parts feelings but I don't want to live in fear, in confusion, forgetting things from one day to the next. I want my capable self back but I don't know how to do it. I thought getting a job would force me to be myself but it didn't. I just ended up having a panic attack, hbp attack and sent to the hospital. I have also forgotten that I had a job and just never went back. And when I remembered I was too embarrassed to go back. Please anyone how do I get back to being me. Can anyone relate to what I am saying. My system doesn't always agree but we protect each other. We have rules of behavior that we all agree to adhere to.