I agree my perfectionism can be a difficulty when talking to a T but then itīs something to be dealt with by the therapist. We talked for several sessions about perfectionism but mostly she just stated my faults and flaws coming from perfectionism but we didnīt reach the next step, that is solving the issues.
Partly I may have projected my own feelings of being inadequate to my therapist but she also said several negative and insulting things like she thought I have an "a-n-a-l and in need of a s-h-i-t behavior". I went to therapy because of things you mention and have gone through but met with a T it didnīt work out with and now I donīt get help further.
Thanks for trying to cheer me up, I appreciate it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cinnamon_roll
You mentioned in other discussions that you tend to be rather perfectionstic. Maybe this view on yourself and life in general tends to get a bit in the way when talking in therapy about problems and things you want to change in your life?
For me, perfectionism is deeply connected with feelings of shame, guilt, judgment... So in order to get away from this perfectionism which is not healthy for me, I also needed to tackle those feelings connected with it.
To me, the dynamics with your latest therapist seemed to be in many ways influenced by your perfectionist demands on yourself. I totally get that this perfectionism makes it difficult to talk about your problems. I know it myself too well. For me it was that I 'projected' my feelings shame and my self-judgment onto my therapist, in a way I externalized my self-aggressive feelings because I did not want to acknowledge that I'm so judgmental on myself. My T at the time kept saying that what I'm practising here is some form of self-harm, which I found a bit extreme when she said it, but now later on I can see what she meant...
The thing is: Having problems is part of being human. It's universal. Everybody has problems. Having them does not make you faulty in any way.
Maybe this could be a project for you - trying to 'learn' that it is ok not to be 'perfect'? That mistakes happen in life? That problems are part of life, and not faults or flaws? That your value as a person does not depend on you being 'perfect' (according to your own standards)?
I started down this road a few years ago, and it transformed important areas of my life.
Maybe you find something useful in these experiences of mine?
Wishing you all the best. Don't give up!
c_r
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