The teenage problems the other ones have been having, I mean. I think thats because of me. This is L.P. typin. I um. I knew for awhile it was time for me to grow up. I mean literal grow up. I was around when we were an actual kid. Then I went away. Then I came back and I dont why but why dont matter. I came back. And I came back little. Then I grew up some. Not a lot but some. It felt like a lot. I wasnt done growin and I knew that. It felt like this major pull inside me and it was my fate and what I was meant to do. I didnt want to grow up that bummed me out. To be honest it did more then that. But I had to. So I did. I dont know how this happened but it had to and it did. Progress, right? Progress hurts like a @*$#*

I'm caught between wantin to cry my eyes out and punch somebody in the face. I know this isnt forever this me havin to catch up real fast from goin from seven or whatever I was to someteen whatever I am now. I gotta be knockin everybody else in my head around with all this. I know it. This is to much a coincidence to be one. I get to bein a teen they get to stressin bein a teen. I know they arent mad at me. Im not mad at me either.

I been thinkin how part of bein a teenager is figurin out who you are as a person. You do things try things and learn about you the whole time. None of us ever did that before. Not even the ones who was livin life as teenagers when we were one. Not the teens we got now in this adult life. None of us. So I gotta wonder if me bein a teen and knowin I had to do that was so we could do that figure out part of life we never got to do. That makes me feel like that guy who had the world on his shoulders, Atlas? Thats a lot of pressure. What if I drop the ball? What if I cant do it? I know Im not alone in this. Clearly huh? I got DID. Lol. Im not tryin to laugh but Im tryin not to cry. Right now, this isnt forever. I know I gotta get used to this is all. Just like how the last time I grew up some it was hard but I felt better after I got to be able to help more and be good for somethin. I never was good for much when I was real little and that made me feel like a useless sack of @#*& only makin problems for other people to clean up. I dont want to be a problem and I want to do my part in this. I gotta settle in my skin is all. Im tryin. This is a lot. I felt better before once I got used to bein older. It takes time. I'll be better once I got some time in like this. Im not there yet. I'll get there.

Growin up when I live in a grown up body. Id laugh myself stupid if I could thinkin about that. Life is weird.