For the first time since we broke up.

We both went to the same show and we were in full view of each other but we didn't have to interact. I knew The Ex would be there so I was nervous. It's been months and the Memory of this person who was verbally abusive to me has had a lot of hold over me in that time. I'm still working through it all. So I've had a lot of imaginary angry conversations with them. I wasn't sure how it would feel to see them in person and I did not want to have to interact.

The other element of this was that she was with a group of our common friends, whom she hangs out with on a regular basis but I have not seen much of since the break-up (that's another story). I felt a lot of shame around the fact that so many of our friends were still seeing her on the regular basis but I felt left alone. That night, I didn't pay much attention to the Ex or the old group but the few times I caught a glance over there, they all looked miserable and stressed out. I thought, 'that seems about right.' Oh, yeah. That group was kinda stressful at times. They were not having fun.

I was with some other new friends; friends I made since the break-up, friends that support me for where I am NOW and support my anger and hear me out about the abuse I suffered from her. My new friends and I had a GREAT time. We laughed. We talked. It was a good energy.

What I realized was this: I was having fun because I am ME and I bring my own energy to the group. I can have fun when I want to. Turns out, I'm actually a lot less stressed without that person around and that night was proof of it. I am worthwhile. I am social. I am loveable. That's mine.