i talked to her about stuff, told her i have communication issues; told her that i say things i dont mean and blablabla but she already knew

she told me she wasnt sure how much more help i could get from her for going to therapy, not in a bad way, a gentle way

she wants me to go to rehab, told me the clinic could fund the "vacation" 28-130 day program, since the clinic has extra funds currently they may be willing to send me

very nice looking programs ... but i dont know, i dont think it would help me to quit but maybe help me just by getting me away from this **** hole

but again i dont know, stockholm syndrome

she said i need to believe in myself, i need to accept the help, reach out and take it, she said she would hold it in a theoretical box for me, and wait for me to grab it and not push me into rehab

im drinking now, of course, and im pissed because of altercation with my mom, and father obviously, they just dont get it, they dont know how to be human, how to understand other people or anything!

im not able to go further like this and the therapist made that clear, either i get out now or 10 years will pass and ill still be in this same **** hole

im just so tired of all of this, she talks about grey area and about there being middle grounds and inbetween but its near impossible for me to see it because of everything thats going on around me, everything is bad, its all bad, there is no good; how could there be any good

urgh, i shouldn't post this but what the hell

maybe ill go away for ever, like she said, get away from my family, not that they are bad people, but just that they trigger me without prejudice

but im thinking they are bad people, but im also thinking that everyons a bad people now, there are no good people in the world, how could there be ? wouldnt the world be a better bloody place?
but no, you have to be abused as a child, a teenager, adult, then when i get to be senior, and im sure ill be abused on my death bed and probably when that dumb person in the sky sends me to hell too

whats the point? i dont get it, im sorry, im pissed off

thank you for the support, not mad at anyone on psychcentral