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I'm sorry you're struggling, Annie, and I hope you can find a way to talk to your T about this. When I've "confessed" something difficult, I wrote it down and just sort of thrust it at my T before I had a chance to change my mind. It was hard, but worth it.
Hang in there.
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"Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters; united with it, she is the mother of the arts and the origin of their marvels." - Francisco de Goya
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