I quit taking my antabuse. I don’t recall making a decision to quit taking it. Somewhere along the lines, I just stopped putting it in my weekly pill planner. I am not even sure when I stopped taking it—maybe a couple weeks ago. When I first realized I had stopped taking it, I rationalized it by saying my insurance co pay more than doubled so I could no longer afford it. The problem with that theory is that I still have over half a bottle left and its already paid for…

Work has been stressful. Life in general has been stressful. One of my old patterns was to let the frustrations and stress build up so that in the evening I had an “excuse” to drink. Last night, I realized I was falling into that old pattern. I have not been dealing with my frustrations or stress. I have been ignoring them and just letting them build up. Although I have not had urges to drink, I think I was in the process of setting myself up for a relapse.

So what now? I need to address the stress and frustrations in my life and deal with them. I have grown stagnant in my recovery program. Recovery is more than just not picking up a drink. Recovery is about how I live my life.

Another member shared about her relapse here on PC. That is what opened my eyes to my behavior. I am extremely grateful she was honest and willing to share her struggles because I think it helped prevent me from picking up. Thank goodness she made it back…

Yes, I have started back on the antabuse.