yeah. even though stuff i do remember doesn't seem 'that bad,' but i know there are other things that i don't fully consciously remember and just have bits and pieces of. but when i think back to the overall life i had growing up, a lot of scary, bad, unfair, horrible things did happen whether it was actual trauma i went through at the hands of a person, things i stumbled upon that was just me being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or re-traumatization/triggers and how people acted towards me (though some was types of abusive behavior) because original traumas were not dealt with properly, etc.

i also did have a lot of normal, fun, and okay times, so it wasn't all bad. it just is all confusing. sometimes, i am amazed at all i have gone through because it just seems like it's so crazy that it's hard to fully believe what i do know for sure.

i didn't have as horrendous things happen as some did either, so that is also partly why i sometimes have a hard time believing it was bad enough to cause the splits it has caused.