I didn't realise how much worse I've got until I read this again this morning. I didn't know how much i had deteriorated without realising. I don't know at what point that I changed from fighting with every ounce of my being to just existing and nothing more.
Every single day i feel like I have to justify who and what I am otherwise why else should I be here.
I can't explain at what point I went from surviving to being suicidal, I was on the phone to sams for 3 hours yesterday, but it almost feels like a hollow victory.

Why am I so broken that I require validation from others to prove that I still should keep going, why do I not have the strength to stand up to myself and say 'you're cared about, you're worth it'

I'm seeing my gp later. I'm scared and I'm frightened of what might happen from seeing him.

I don't know how, or want to accept myself for who I am.