I need validation from others because there's no worse enemy to me than my own mind. Could be conditioned and/or a manifestation of depression. Both of which are possible and could be for you, as well. Those small victories, they keep a person going because...well, they just do. I don't have an answer for that. I've never had answers.

I do encourage your honesty with your gp. It is very often not realized we are in pain until we are allowed to look in the mirror and see what we've become. "Look in the mirror and ask your soul if you're alright" (Twenty One Pilots, 'Before You Start Your Day'). When you receive your answer, you receive choice. I hope all goes well with your gp. Update if you wish or it is possible.