It was never the alchohol I wanted, it was being the life of the party that appealed to me. Not being shy, being vivacious, entertaining people ect.
It was also never the drugs that I wanted, it was the feeling of happiness and freedom from my mental hangups and negativity that I loved.
The drugs and alchohol were just a path to get there. The wrong path. I guess I need to figure out how to cultivate those things within myself without going for the route that is so damaging.
Going on five and a half months now that I have been clean from all but those damn cigarettes.
One step at a time though.
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