I'm just going to throw this out there... It seems to me that you have been engaging in a great deal of self-medicating. I would suggest that if you took your medication as prescribed you wouldn't be going through this present mental health crisis. You have mentioned you won't/fear the hospital, yet your actions are ultimately going to land you there. I hazard to guess that if you were to start taking your medications exactly as prescribed that things will return to normal - or at least some measure of stability - and you could thus prevent both your present troubles and and threat of IP.

A few ideas for you to ponder:

What value are you getting from self-medicating? What are the advantages?

What would you say to a friend who was doing the same?

You deserve to be healthy. You are worth it!

You are hiding the truth from your doctor. Again what advantage does this present to you? Think too, what disadvantages does this present to you?

What is within your means and power to prevent IP?

We care.