Thank you for the advice. Its complicated. I already left once. I came to stay at my parents. There are 4 other adults that live here and I'm usually not alone.
When I left before, i didnt realize the extent of what he was doing and I let him back in when he threatened to kill himself. As the months have gone by, his anger have shone through and I realize now he is unsafe for me and my children.
I really hope to stay here at my parents and not have to leave to a shelter. Im willing to call police if he comes to the house or talk in a violent or threatening manner. Whereas before, i thought I was overreacting and didn't want to involve anybody.
I really want the shelter to be my last resort. I don't feel im in danger yet. Outreach services from the shelter are going to contact me and hopefully I can reach resources to help me and my children get back on our feet.

(TRIGGER)

Im just in a very lonely confusing place right now.. he has never beaten me, but has gotten so angry he has hurt me by slapping, throwing, dragging or kicking. I guess maybe I don't realize the full extent to what he is capable of. His threats seem to come from fear of losing us.

I may call the social workers office in town here, to see if i can get help from anywhere else.

If it comes to it, i know i will go to the shelter. But my panic attacks make it hard for me to do anything. Let alone drive half an hour, alone with my kids to somewhere I'm terrified of going.
It's just hard. I don't think il make it there.