I sympathize with you hon. I'm bipolar too, so I know how it can be, and I've also had some really freaky hospital experiences. But I've gotten some help from my caseworker, a social worker assigned to me by the counseling center where I go. Do they have anything like that where you are? They aren't therapists, but they are someone you can talk to a little in an emergency where you can't reach a therapist, and they can be an advocate for you both with doctors and while in the hospital.

And I know being in the hospital is not fun, and it does seem hard to trust the system at times, I know. But I would hate to see something happen to you. If you feel like you might hurt yourself, do you think you can go to your local emergency room? I think in most states they are required to give you some kind of help if you are expressing suicidal thoughts, even if you don't have insurance.