I was meant to see my doc today at 11, I got there and after waiting for an hour I was told that my appointment had been cancelled as someone else more urgent had to be seen. They wouldn't even let me have two minutes with him.. No one is answering the pdocs number at the moment either, which probably isn't thier fault. I don't blame them as they're busy people and I'm sure they have much more important things to be doing them listening to me banging on about my problems
Honestly I don't see the point in bothering to try now.. I finally got the courage to seek help, despite it being the last thing I wanted to do, and it scaring the life out of me as to what would happen. and I get knocked back as I'm not important. I asked if I could stay for a while to see if he became free and they said I was not allowed to. I told him on the phone last night that I had spent hours on the phone with sams and that I was still feeling suicidal. I don't currently have a crisis team as I had made a lot of progress last year and truth be told I didn't really need them. Now I do, but I can't magic them out of nowhere..

I feel lost. Feeling uncared for is nothing new for me, but it was the complete lack of any real apology. Saying that, even an empathetic tone would have don't wonders and stopped me feeling like I might as well link arms with the dustbin outside as it would be a fitting pair I think for me.
I want to seek help, but it feels like every time I try then I get knocked back or told that it's not serious and that, in a word, I don't really matter.

I know I am not, but I feel so alone.